3/2/15

Hello Family and Friends!

So first off, I would like to start with an apology. I have not been as good at emailing as I would have liked. To tell you the honest truth, I really struggle to get my feelings into words sometimes. I get really nervous every time I go to write. So today, I am going to just sit and write, and what comes out, comes out.

First thing that I would like to say is that I have never been happier. A mission is hard. I struggle a lot, but not in the way that I used to. I have a hard time explaining how I am feeling, again, but the feeling is like happy crying. Once upon a time, we were watching a movie in a zone meeting about how it must have felt like for Heavenly Father to willingly sacrifice His only Begotten Son, and I just felt so weak. I cried through the whole thing, but it wasn't just touching tears, but a deep aching within me that lasted hours, and still throbbed a little later into the rest of the week. Even now, looking back on that experience, my heart is plucked a little bit, like a key note on a piano. But although it weakened me, it also filled me with a renewed strength that I know did not come from myself. That's what it feels like. Not just merely emotion, but rather, a physical, emotional, and spiritual motion deep inside. So there's my attempt to explain this pained happiness. It is a joy beyond belief, like when an investigator finally understands that the strength that they receive that fills them and helps them as they are pouring the alcohol down the drain is connected and will forever be connected to those precious moments in the Garden, where the Savior poured His own blood out. Somehow, words will not do. Do you understand the feeling? It is full of sorrow, but a sorrow that makes your heart soar higher than birds or even clouds. It is a feeling that goes deep, like the feeling you get when you look down from a great height, and see the majesty and beauty beneath. It's deeper than that. This feeling of happiness is so hard for me to explain. It's the feeling you get when your heart is pounding, and you really have a hard time believing that the moment you are in is really happening, yet, you know that it is happening, and that it is real. It is scary, and exciting, and waaaay  out of your comfort zone, but it is exhilarating, and somehow in it, in that single moment, you find comfort. Yet, there is a sadness, because you know that it is only a single moment, and that it is precious. It only happens once, and you will never again be in that moment again.

Do you understand? My joy is full, and I am happier than I have ever been, but I can also say that this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Not even physically. I mean mentally, and emotionally, and spiritually. Every day is the hardest, but not in the way you think. When I first came out on my mission, I expected certain things to be my struggles, like the schedule, or like talking to people, or like knowing and teaching the gospel, or missing your family. In reality, those things are hard, but Heavenly Father takes care of those things. He holds all those things in His control, and comforts you. It's not even a struggle to find people to teach. I would have thought that that would be the hardest. Whenever I try to do it on my own, it is, but whenever I rely on Him, it is easy. People just come out of the woodwork. I truly do believe in miracles. I do not believe in coincidences. Not one bit. I have seen it time and time again, because every person I have ever taught on my mission has been a miracles that has unfolded in front of me. God does His work. He doesn't need me. I am the one who needs Him, my Heavenly Father. He lets me help because He loves me.

So what is the biggest struggle of my mission?

I have learned that the biggest struggle is fear.

Worrying about what others think.
Fearing failure.
Fearing the future.
Fearing about what will happen to my investigators... worrying that they will reject the gospel.
Fearing about my family and friends.

A while ago, a member of the quorum of the Seventy looked me straight in the eyes and told me "I challenge you to never fear again." He wasn't rebuking me. I had only made a comment about how faith and fear cannot exist in the same place. His words have come to me every single day since.

Quickly, A recap of the past couple of weeks.....

So a couple of weeks ago, I was sick. Not fun. Stayed in for the first time because I had a raging fever. It started on a Monday. I just worked through it. Then the next day, I felt like my head was going to explode. I was scared that I wasn't going to be able to go to the temple the next day. I called the mission nurse and asked her how I could fix it. She told me that if it was 100.3 or lower, I could go, because I wouldn't be as contagious, but to be careful, because I would be more susceptible to get sick. Miracles. I woke up the morning of the temple trip at 4 in the morning. 102 degrees. Snap. I prayed, got up, got ready, and by the time we were ready to leave, it had shot back down to 99 degrees. I didn't catch anything, and slowly over the past week, it has subsided to just a random cough and now it is completely gone. I know that that was a blessing from Heavenly Father. We went to the Medford Oregon temple. So cool. I have now been to all the temples that the missionaries in the California Santa Rosa Mission go to. YAY! :)

Also, we went to a funeral for a member in our ward. Our ward boundaries are huge. The elders that serve in our ward go out to Hoopa, an Indian Reservation. They aren't allowed to contact, and so they do most of their work with a member named Brother Joseph, who takes them to see random people that he knows. Well, sadly, Brother Joseph died a few weeks ago. Bishop Floyd insisted on having us come to the funeral, because of the missionary opportunities, so President Alba gave us permission to go. The drive there was beautiful, and the spirit was really strong. The funeral went longer than we thought it would, and so we left early before we really got to talk to people because the traditions were going on and on... which was cool to see, but we needed to get back, but that's what the pictures of me on the hillside are of... the drive was incredible. Shoutout to Magnus and Harv.... they filmed parts of Star Wars up here. The trees are incredible. Everyday is beautiful. It is like fairyland up here.

Another cool story....
So our entire mission is striving to teach 3 lessons everyday, on top of contacting at least 20 souls, and also inviting one person to be baptized every day. We have been scrambling to find those three lessons. Some days it is easy. Other days, it is really really hard. So if it comes down to 8:00 at night and all of our lessons have fallen down, we call members to let us come and teach them and practice on them. So we called the Richards, and elderly couple. The wife joined the church back in the 80's. The husband joined three years or so ago. They are so cute, and so active. We love them. We called them, and they told us to come over. When we got there, we taught them, and the spirit was really strong. Then they shared with us how a family member of theirs is struggling, and they really needed to meet with us. Miracles. Heavenly Father always has a plan. We would not have been able to reach out to the Richards if we hadn't had had all of our lessons fall through, and if we weren't trying to teach three lessons every day. Miracles.

Last Sunday Feb 22nd, the Noriegas came to sacrament meeting. That was really cool. More on them later. :)

This week.
Monday: craziness. Pday. That's all I'll say.
Tuesday: Exchanges with Sister Harmer. So because Sister Whimpey and I are both STL's, we go on double exchanges, which is where we both leave our area and we both go into the other companionship's area, and they plan for double the lessons and things.

While with Sister Harmer, we had an experience I've never really had on my mission yet.

We went to see this random member that she hadn't yet met, and assumed was less-active. We knock on the front door, and she lets us right in. She seemed rather bubbly and excited to have us, almost like she expected us, even though we were trying her with no notice. She brings us into her living room, talking to us a little bit about how they were just sitting down to dinner. She sat down at the table, in front of a computer, he husband there as well, in front of his computer, both of them eating dinner. I began to feel uncomfortable, and I didn't know why. Looking back, it was because she never actually invited us to sit down, even though we were standing there, glancing over at the couch every now and again. So I do what I normally do when I feel awkward... talk about the gospel. :) Naturally. I asked her about if she has been a member of the church her whole life or not, and then she told us of when her brother "convinced" her to join, and it was the worst decision of her life, and how her husband and her were fully active in their own church. She began to tell us of how she doesn't believe that she is less than her husband in any way, and she doesn't think that we can "own our own star" when we die. By this time, I felt this sick feeling come over me, and my heart sunk, yet, I felt a strength surge in. Looking back, I realized that every question and every struggle I have ever had trying to find the answers to my questions had prepared my soul for this moment. I listened with patience, even though her voice was going from loud to just plain yelling. She told me of how any book that said those things is true, and that only the Bible is true, and she just kept going on about the Book of Mormon. Gladly, the spirit takes away from my mind the specifics, but I remember how it made me feel.

I knew that what she was saying wasn't true, because of the feeling that came into the room. That feeling was not from God. I felt the Spirit reject what she was saying by leaving. I knew we needed to leave as well, and so I looked over at Sister Harmer, who was silent, but I also felt her shock, and also her determined and strong spirit next to mine.
Quietly, I interrupted her. My voice was calm and even, even though I felt a little physically shaken by what she had said. I bore my testimony, pure and simple. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, and that it is of God, and that it's sole purpose is to testify of the truth of Jesus Christ.
She started yelling over top of me... I said it again, quietly, yet firmly, and started walking towards the door. She followed, quite furious, but then I walked out the door, I turned back.
"I'm sorry for upsetting you, but I am not sorry. I know the Book of Mormon is true, and if you ever decide you want missionaries to come by, you can just go to mormon.org and request them to come by."
She was still yelling and I closed the door behind myself.  We walked down the steps, and I exhaled deeply, trying to get fresh air in. I patted Sister Harmer on the back, we both bore our testimonies simply to each other, and we said a prayer on the sidewalk and kept walking.

Later that night, we found out that the less-active had called the other sister's phone, thinking it was us. She apologized and invited them back, on condition that they won't try to push the Book of Mormon on them.

I will never forget that It didn't turn out the way I thought it would in the moment. She kept yelling, but I bore my testimony, and I knew that what I said was true.

And I love missionary work.

I have so much more to write, but I am out of time.

We have two progressing families! We have shared the restoration with both of them and both of the families said that they feel like this is the path that they need to take. If you would like to pray for them they are the Youravish (like a radish) and the Noriega Family.

Love,
Sister Miller