6/22/15: You are never really alone.

Dear Family and Friends,

Would you like to know what I learned this week?

I learned to stand up for what you believe in, no matter what. I learned to be spiritually independent. Things are changing; things are always changing, but no matter what, YOU MUST HOLD THE COURSE. Never give up. You cannot compromise what you know to be right. You must not come down! Don't give an inch, when you do, even if it is only one inch, you have lost. Satan doesn't need us to fall hard... only just to let go a little so that he can pry our fingers off of the iron rod, bit by bit.

This past week was crazy. The past few weeks have been crazy. I feel like this is the last test of my mission: WILL I HOLD OUT TRUE TO THE END? Will I do what I know I must? That is the question that we must all ask ourselves. I have learned a lot from President and Sister Alba. I had my departing interview with them this past week, with my companion there in the room with me, because President and Sister Alba are leaving this next week. As Sister Alba asked me three questions, my tears flowed freely. I had been really down on myself and feeling alone, but bearing my testimony really strengthened me. It helped me realize that my offering has been acceptable to the Lord, and that this has meant everything to me. I will write what she asked me at the end of my letter.

On Wednesday, we will have a big all-mission conference where we will hear their last bits of counsel and bit them farewell, and then the new president and his wife, President and Sister Wright, will come to the mission. I am already determined to trust them, because I know that they are called of God. I have learned that on my mission. I have learned to have faith in the Priesthood of God. I know that President and Sister Alba have changed my life forever. I want to be like them. I know that they have loved me and trusted me, and that has meant the world to me. I know that in reality, that is really just the Lord trusting me.


All I want, literally, all I want to do is talk to people. I just want to open my mouth. I've never felt that my entire life, my entire mission, with such intensity. I have learned a lot about marriage from my companions, and from President and Sister Alba. I have learned about being equally yoked, and about standing up for one another and defending one another, about correcting eachother, and having the courage to go foward.

I wrote something in my journal this past week that has really affected me. I was praying about how to help my companion talk to people too. I had this image of a door come to my mind... we were tracting. Sometimes, we do that, but mostly we just talk to people on the street when we are going place to place, talking to everyone we see. Well, anyway, praying about this, I saw a door. I knocked, and stood, and I could feel the nervousness and I just prayed for courage, and I smiled. I felt my companion back down the steps, which is not an unusual thing. I was running over this dilemma with Heavenly Father, begging for help, because all I wanted for this last transfer was to work hard, to be the answer to someone's prayer everyday. It was a heartfelt plea. I recieved an answer:

DO NOT STEP BACK.

I could feel that awkard peer pressure... why are you standing so close to the door, they won't be interested anyway, don't be "too into it", then they think that you are a freak.... all enter my mind. I want to stay where I am, but the pull is so strong. But I square my shoulders, and plant my feet. I will stand. I will not move. I will be obedient, and valiant. I will stand where I need to, even if that means standing alone.

And so that is what I am learning. All my mission, I have had times where I have felt alone, for various reasons. I have also had times where I have felt so surrounded by people who support me and uplift my efforts. But this is the true test for me: Will I stand, even if I have to stand alone? But even more importantly: Will I be the kind of person that will lift her up as well?

We can't lift others if we back down the steps.
We can't lift other higher than we ourselves are standing.
And we can't lift others without love, the pure love of Christ.

In leadership, we must continue to hold fast to the rod. I have learned a lot from reading 3 Nephi and 4th Nephi this week. I will finish the Book of Mormon this week. I have learned a lot from the Savior, and also about the agency of others.

 I also have gained a stronger testimony of priesthood blessings. I am clinging to those now. Exactly what I needed to hear is given every time.

I have also come to have a stronger testimony this week of being a daughter of God. We were teaching Gail. A lovely elderly member we love named Sister Freeman was there with us. We bore testimony to Gail of our Pre-mortal existence and I bore my testimony of being a daughter of God. I could see the light in her eyes, and feel it inside as I shared that with her. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us.

I have seen many miracles, but the greatest miracle is that I am here. That we are all here. That everyday, I get to share the gospel with countless people who would never have the opportunity is Sister Eyden and I hadn't come on a mission. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Yes.

If I went home, saw my family, and they asked me to come out and do it again, I would.
Without a moments hesitation, I would. I would do it all over again. I love this. Every hard moment has been worth it. I have been supported. I have learned so much, loved so much.

Sister Alba asked me this week during interviews:

What has it meant to you to be a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ?
What have you learned?
And how have you changed?

And so to share my testimony with you, I will tell you that it has meant everything to me to be a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. I know that I am nothing, as to my strength I am weak, but I know that it is through Him that I can do all things. All that I have seen on my mission, all that I have felt, He has given to me. I am so grateful that He has allowed me to do this. That is the highest honor... to represent Jesus Christ. Every moment of everyday, I have felt Him helping me when I ask Him. I love that He trusts me. At the begining of my mission, I did not deserve it. Now, even, I am not sure that I deserve it, but He has allowed me to be His servant and His friend. I have loved being on  the streets, teaching people, serving people, doing what He would do. I have loved feeling the Spirit reach out and testify through me to others of His love.

I have learned how much Heavenly Father loves all of His children. I have learned how much He loves me. I have come to understand the Atonement, on my end, and also a little bit of what it meant to the Savior. I have learned that He wanted to do that for us, just like I want to do this, and although it was hard for Him, He did it because He loves us. I have also learned that it is through His grace that we can change. I have learned about love and about redwoods, about high expectations and about becoming who we are meant to be.

I have changed in so many ways. I had three goals for my mission, three things that I wanted to be and do and become. To be willingly obedient, to strive to be exactly obedient. I have not been perfect, but I have tried every single day, and I know that the Savior was there with me. I have also learned to feel the Spirit, and that is so precious to me. I have learned to love, especially recently, even when you are struggling. I have learned to love others as the Savior loves them and to see them through Heaven's eyes. They are so beautiful. I have also learned that I can make it to the Celestial Kingdom, and that the Savior will help all of us to do that if we only come unto Him. I know that every child of God can make it there, if that is their true desire.


I know that the Church is true, that we have a living prophet, and that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that the Spirit is real, and that this life is beautiful and worth living.

I love all of you. I pray for all of you. Until this ship reaches the shore, I will keep giving my all to Him, Maker of us all.

Love,
Sister Darby Miller